When we take the first step in recovery and admit our powerlessness over addiction, we are facing the reality of this disease. We are not dropping the ball and throwing our addict to the wind. That’s how I felt in the beginning, as I continually obsessed over my child and tried to control the progress of her illness. I felt very guilty and overly responsible for what she was going through. I introduced her to rehab four times, always hoping that she would embrace the recovery tools she learned there.
Some addicts “get it” and go on to recover and work at it one day at a time. Angie did get it for various (blessed) periods over the past 15 years, but then she couldn’t hold onto it. I learned many things in the rooms, especially to accept that it’s not my fault and that I must let go of my responsibility and get out of her way. I pray for her to find the spiritual wellness that I have found, but there’s not much else I can do. And I can’t “force the solution” that I want. God has His own plan for her, and for me, and for all of us. I trust in my faith, and that relieves me of my obsession.
“Let go and let God,” twelve times a day