Walking Through Cancer/Part 5

                                              Circling the Wagon

A message from my care team at Fred Hutch:

“Hi Marilea,

Dr Poh asked me to reach out to let you know that unfortunately, the trial she discussed with you during your visit was just paused for a safety evaluation.

The FDA is requiring that all patients 60 years or older who are currently enrolled in the trial finish 6 cycles to ensure its safety and tolerability. We anticipate that the trial will resume enrollment in about 6 weeks. At that time we can have you sign the consent and start our screening process. Dr. Poh reassured me that you are clinically stable and she advised waiting until then to participate in the trial.

I do apologize. I know you’ve been patiently waiting and we will get things moving as soon as possible. Please let us know how you would like to proceed.

Thanks so much,

Jess, RN”

“safety evaluation,”  “to ensure its safety and tolerability,” “all patients 60 years and older.” As I approach the starting point of this journey, the reality of what I’m facing is hitting me. Up until my diagnosis, everything seemed speculative. My attitude about getting cancer—and the possibility of living or dying from it—was largely intellectual. Now with the start of 18 weeks of pouring poison into my body looming in just a few weeks, it’s all becoming real. How do I feel? Not fearful but yes, somewhat apprehensive. As Jane Fonda said in an interview, “It’ll be an adventure!”

There are so many people in the world who have faced the same journey. I am not alone. Many men and women where I live have gone through traditional chemotherapy and clinical trials and they are all thriving. If I’m apprehensive about anything, it’s the everyday discomforts that I’m not used to. My excellent health prior to getting cancer spoiled me a great deal, and when I get so much as a head cold I tell my friends,

“I don’t do sick well.”

Well, Marilea, it’s time to put on your big girl pants. I want to get out in front of this as much as possible  Now at a new normal, I need to make adjustments.. I’ve ordered a special sleeping mattrass with sides to keep me on my back while I sleep. This is necessary to keep from irritating the soon-to-be implanted port in my shoulder. My friends have already started a bandana collection for me. I would love to keep my hair, but it’s not likely.

Friends. Family. My best friend from Virginia is planning a trip here in the spring. My daughter, Caroline, is coming for a visit in October. My son and his family are spending several weeks with us on the island this summer and we’re growing closer. All my friends have showed an abundance of caring with endless offers of meals and rides to Fred Hutch if Gene can’t take me on infusion days.

I am surrounded by love and good wishes.

What a blessing!

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