Seeing Through The Tears

From Each Day A New Beginning, January 9:

“‘The Chinese say that water is the most powerful element, because it is perfectly nonresistant. It can wear away a rock and sweep all before it.’ ~Florence Scovel Shinn

Nonresistance, ironically, may be a posture we struggle with. Nonresistance means surrendering the ego absolutely. For many of us, the ego, particularly disguised as false pride, spurred us on to struggle after struggle. ‘Can’t they see I’m right?’ we moaned, and our resistance only created more of itself. Conversely, flowing with life, ‘bubbling’ with the ripples, giving up our ego, releases from us an energy that heals the situation—that smoothes the negative vibrations in our path. Peace comes to us. We will find serenity each time we willingly humble ourselves.

‘Resistance is more familiar. Nonresistance means growth and peace. I’ll try for serenity today.’”

“Try for;” that’s the key. Who can practice nonresistance all the time? My ego and willfulness have tripped me up most of my life! Like many mothers here, I was a warrior determined to save my child. It’s counterintuitive NOT to be.

But once I accepted that addiction is a brain disease, I stopped fighting so hard to save Angie. I simply don’t have that power. She’s very sick; call it “psycheache,” call it what you want to call it. But she’s thirty-seven years old, and she knows what she needs to do if she wants to live well. It’s her choice. And I have choices too.

Painful words coming from a mother who hasn’t seen her girl in almost five years. But it’s how I choose to live now. This is my second chance to enjoy all the beauty around me. And I want to savor it. 

I will always love Angie, and I pray for her recovery. But, for today, I’m focusing on my own. I believe my daughter would want that.

 

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