“The skill of detachment enables us to create a safe distance between our addict and ourselves, because I have learned from experience that if we don’t, we might be swallowed up by their black hole before we know it.
“As parents, we often feel we don’t deserve this gift of detachment. But we do; I did the best I could with what I had. I have learned how to forgive myself for any mistakes I made with my daughter. It took a long time, but this was an important step, because until we do that, we risk being forever enmeshed in their pain and the mess of their lives if they don’t choose recovery.
“Once we are able to reach some level of detachment, we are freer to work the steps. In hindsight, I see now why I couldn’t really do the first three steps at first as I might have. Guilt was holding me hostage. I simply had not let go of my responsibility in her life, my importance in her life, and therefore my need to “fix” her life. I needed to be humbled, in the best sense of the word.”