marilea.rabasa@gmail.com

Detachment 101

“Detachment is not detaching from the person or thing whom we care about or feel obsessed with.

Detachment is detaching from the agony of involvement.”

Boundaries…boundaries…boundaries. Where do I end and the other person begins? A strong sense of self enables us to set clear limits with others. I was terribly enmeshed in Angie’s life; I had never separated from her in a healthy way. Because we were so alike, I identified with her and felt overly responsible for her messes. Her problems became my problems and it never occurred to me to let her tackle her own issues, both for her betterment and my own.

But thankfully my work in recovery has helped me face myself in the mirror and make some important changes. I made the necessary separation, first of all, from Angie. I no longer feel the “agony of involvement,” as I’ve let go of Angie’s illness and the ensuing consequences of her drug use. I can’t save her from herself. I can only love her and be here for her should she choose to walk with me in recovery.

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