Independence Day

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From Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, p. 169:

“I’m still grieving, but the despair is gone.”

“I am learning that though I grieve incredibly for the loss of my ———- (fill in the blank), I don’t have to drown in that pain.”

 

Before getting into recovery, I wasn’t aware of the tools available to all of us to cope with the inevitable disappointments in life.

No one had explained to me the concept of letting go of people and situations that I had no control over. This is huge because the continual battle of my will to change the unchangeable was exhausting and taking a toll on me more than the person I was hoping to change.

 

The regular practice of gratitude has gifted me with a perspective on my own life, simply focusing on my blessings and keeping them in the forefront of my mind.

Surrendering to a greater being than I am for guidance and faith is so basic. And I  believe absolutely that no matter what happens in my life, all will be well.

These are but three of the tools the program has given me. And when I pick them up and use them, no matter what sadness I must deal with, the despair is lifted and I have hope.

Happy (early) Fourth of July, everyone! This year I’m celebrating sixteen years of freedom and independence from the disease that affects so many of us. God Bless!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting Ready For Change

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From Hope for Today, June 17:

“Thought for the Day:  Although God does not completely eradicate my defects, I am provided with Al-Anon tools to maintain my separation from them.

‘I expected to just say, ‘Okay, God, take over!’ and they’d be gone overnight. It didn’t quite work out that way.’”

 

If only things were so simple! I’m in partnership with my Higher Power, but I still have to do the footwork.

The key word above is “separation.” I will always have defects; that’s what makes me human. But to be able to step back and look at them, to separate myself from them for just a bit, gives me the chance to take a look and decide what to do.

It’s hard, sometimes, to let go of some defects. Sometimes stubbornness masquerades as determination; sometimes martyrdom looks like healthy self-sacrifice. There are a million ways to justify our behavior and rationalize it.

But when a defect stands in the way of my well-being, or that of someone I love, then I’m grateful for the objectivity I’m given, allowing me the grace to separate from it.

 

 

“Listen And Learn”

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So often I don’t listen. I’m consumed by my own thoughts and the next thing I will say. But there’s so much I don’t know.

I feel I must know a great deal; I must appear strong and competent.

For others.

I know I don’t know everything, but I want to appear confident.

For others.

I would do well to put myself aside and learn from others.

For me.

 

I Believe

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From Each Day A New Beginning, May 1:

“We may see clearly how and why we get in our own way. But unless we have faith in a power greater than ourselves, we won’t step aside. We won’t let go. We’ll do the same things and “understand” ourselves in the same ways. We may even use our “insight” to keep ourselves stuck—to  protect ourselves from the risk of change.

Now, having had a spiritual awakening, having come to believe that a higher power can restore us, we possess a gift more powerful than the keenest insight—faith in our ability to grow and change. We are children of God. All the creative power of the universe streams through us, if we don’t block it.”

The unseeable. The unknowable. Faith.

Before recovery, if I didn’t see it, it wasn’t there. Now, like Indiana Jones, I’ve learned to take that leap of faith that frightened me most of my life. And I’ve been rewarded.

God has become the pilot of my ship. I can sit back and enjoy the ride. I don’t have to be in charge anymore.

And I know that all will be well.

Look To This Day

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From Each Day A New Beginning, February 21:

“’We can never go back again, that much is certain.’ ~Daphne DuMaurier

Yesterday is gone, but its experiences will be reflected in those of today. We learned from both the good and the bad situations of yesterday. Where we travel today, likewise, will influence our direction tomorrow. We can’t do over what has gone before, but we can positively incorporate all that life is offering us from this moment forth…We move forward, only forward. The doors behind us are closed forever.

Facing what comes to us, with strength, is a gift from the program we share…And trust that what we face along with what we let go will weave the pattern of our rightful unfolding.”

 

For a long time my feet were stuck…in the past. A time when things occurred that I can’t do anything about now. A dark place that held me hostage: regrets, guilt, sadness. I lacked the will, the wisdom, and the means to get out.

My work in recovery has given me a lot of freedom from all the negativity that had weighed me down. I feel lighter now and able to move forward with my life. I’ve learned to let go of things I have no control over—like the passage of time, lol!

So I’m paying attention to what’s right in front of me.

Things are unfolding as they are meant to.

How Fear Inhibits Us

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From Courage To Change, May 29:

“Worry and fear can alter our perceptions until we lose all sense of reality, twisting neutral situations into nightmares. Because most worry focuses on the future, if we can learn to stay in the present, living one day or one moment at a time, we take positive steps toward warding off the effects of fear…When we anticipate doom, we lose touch with what is happening now and see the world as a threatening place against which we must be on constant alert…Most of our fears will never come to pass, and if they do, foreknowledge probably won’t make us any better prepared.

Today I will recognize that worries can be potent and mind-altering. I choose not to indulge in them at all.”

“T.H.I.N.K.”

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Thoughtful. Honest. Intelligent. Necessary. Kind.

From One Day at a Time, p. 20:

“If only I can learn to quiet my mind before I speak! I do not want to act with impatience and hostility, for I know it will react on me. It is a mistake to think this requires self-control; patience can be acquired by learning to let go of self-will. Jonathan Swift said: “Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul. Men must not turn into bees who kill themselves in stinging others.”

 

“Keep It Simple”

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One of my favorite sayings. Simplify. Makes my life much easier to manage when I clear out the unnecessary stuff.

I try to focus on essentials. Everyone has a different set of them, but mine are important to me. What is necessary for my well-being every day? Food, exercise, rest, some human contact, some kind of work—in an office, in the garden, on my computer, shopping, cleaning.

If I start to feel overwhelmed, then I’m doing too much.

Back to basics. Simplify.

And the world will keep turning.

“But For The Grace Of God…”

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My sister lost her husband a few months ago and she’s just starting to come out of the fog. I called her for her birthday last week but she couldn’t talk. She was sobbing. So she decided to spend her birthday visiting a friend of our mother’s, a 96-year-old woman who is bedridden with round the clock care. And my sister experienced how things could be so much worse for her.

It’s all a matter of perspective, how we see things, how our attitudes govern the way we live our lives.

Gratitude in hard times takes the wisdom of knowing that my life could be worse in an infinite amount of ways.