Gratitude

The Power Of Positive Thinking

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From Each Day A New Beginning, November 12:

“Our minds mold who we become. Our thoughts not only contribute to our achievements, they determine the posture of our lives. How very powerful they are. Fortunately we have the power to think the thoughts new choose, which means our lives will unfold much as we expect…

Our minds prepare us for success. They also prepare us for failure if we let our thoughts become negative.”

 

I’ve seen so clearly in my own life how sadness and negative posturing can cripple us and keep us from moving forward. There’s just no percentage in clinging to our pain. If there were, I’d happily wear it as a cloak for all to see. But it doesn’t. It just keeps me from my own capacity for joy.

We’re all in the same boat here. Addiction and its consequences have stolen much from our lives. But recovery from it has brought into sharper focus all that it has left me in its wake. I’m left now with gratitude for all the blessings in my life. At this time of year, let’s all celebrate something to be thankful for. And try to remain positive and hopeful about the future.

Remember: “Thoughts become things; choose the good ones.”

My Recovery Is Grounded In Gratitude

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take the good with the bad

Dear friends,

It’s that challenging time of year again when holidays and all they symbolize beckon us into that place of remembrance. Sometimes happy memories are hard to bear amid our disappointments. S this is the time of year when I really step up my program. A spirit of gratitude has been the one tool that has always worked to elevate me from my despair around Angie. So I hope that all of us can bring that spirit into our lives during this season of thanksgiving and count our blessings. We’ve all lost loved ones one way or another to the cruel disease of addiction.

But the sun still comes up every day and sets every night. Life goes on—and we with it. Let’s keep hope alive and live every day as best we can. Blessings to you all!

“Changed Attitudes Can Aid Recovery”

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From Each Day A New Beginning, June 29:

“Self-pity is a parasite that feeds on itself. Many of us are inclined toward self-pity, not allowing for the balance of life’s natural tragedies. We will face good and bad times—and they will pass. With certainty they will pass…

Recovery is learning new responses, feeling and behaving in healthier ways. We need not get caught by self-pity. We can always feel it coming on. And we can let it go.”

In my recovery program, I’ve leaned that I have choices. I don’t have to be on automatic pilot anymore. “Awareness, acceptance, action”—the 3 A’s. I can choose new attitudes. I can choose acceptance and gratitude. Then happiness will follow me.

Recovery At Its Best

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My former husband, Angel Miguel Rabasa, died last week in Washington, D.C. He had been ill with cancer and, despite surgery and chemotherapy to slow down its progress, he succumbed on 9/26/16, three days before his 68th birthday. I, along with his children and grandchildren, scrambled to get there from the West Coast. But none of us, including his two sisters from Miami, made it in time. He died surrounded by his wife and other loved ones. I have just two things to share regarding the passing of this good man: first, the early years of our marriage were filled with excitement and colorful stories that will keep our grandchildren entertained for years to come; the second thing, and this is such a blessing, is that the storms we have weathered in recent years have brought us closer together and we have become good friends. Such a gift! I am grateful beyond words for the difference this man has made in my life.

angel-scott-and-me

The Heart To Listen

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The Serenity Prayer (Part 4)

“and Wisdom to know the difference…

“Wisdom is God’s own conversation with me. Often he speaks through books or other people. Wisdom can be found merely by listening to others after I develop the ability to hear it in their words. To recognize Wisdom, I must have compassion for others, which gives me insight rather than knowledge of myself. Facing reality encourages recognition of Wisdom, because Wisdom is always truth.”

Thank God I have the ears to listen when He speaks to me! Not always, of course. And some of the best wisdom I pick up is in the rooms from other members. Opening my heart to listen to others is one of the great rewards of my recovery program. And I NEVER feel alone anymore.

“Living Well Is The Best Revenge”

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I’ve received many emails from moms asking me how I cope with the living death of Angie’s heroin addiction. She’s neither dead nor alive. Many of my friends here know the hellish limbo I’m living in, without any resolution or closure. But I have found a way to cope well and move on with my life. This is what I wrote back:

“I put my grief in a back drawer and close it. Then I look at what’s in my front drawers every morning. I have so many wonderful things to be grateful for. Instead of focusing on the problem, I try to keep my mind on the solution. This is how I live. It keeps me humble, grateful, and glad to be alive. I honor Angie’s memory in this way, and I truly believe she would want me to live well and be happy. Blessings to you, Mom.”

 

Looking Within

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Memoir Excerpt:

 “That summer (2009) I wanted her to come visit and see our farm in the Southwest. In she flew from sunny Palm Springs to sunny New Mexico, and it was a joy to have her with us for a few days. Angie is, among other things, a very talented artist, and I asked her to paint a little sign naming our farmhouse Casita del Mar, so named because of my huge shell collection. It still hangs on the post in my front courtyard, though in the years since her visit it has sustained a lot of weather damage.

 

We had fun, tooling around Santa Fe, and visiting the Georgia O’Keeffe Museum. I knew she would appreciate seeing this artist’s work. Angie had a gift for expression, both in the spoken word and in her renderings. As a child she wrote a lot of poetry. She also could capture on paper a face or expression with great accuracy. In art school I was good at drawing elevations and brick walls, but I couldn’t begin to draw someone’s face. Angie had a great gift.

 

We continued north up the slow mountain road to the Taos Pueblo, where we visited a potter we knew and bought some more of her pieces. The next day we took Angie up the tram on Sandia Crest, where you can see for miles in three directions. Looking out for hundreds of miles—and looking within. I knew I was doing a lot of that in my own recovery, but Angie never shared her recovery work with me. On our last day together we celebrated her birthday at dinner in Corrales. Of course, she had to get back to work. We hugged at the airport and said goodbye. Again, there were so many goodbyes—so much uncertainty. I will never allow complacency into my life again. I will never, ever, take a moment of happiness for granted.”

Find Something To Smile About

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look for the good 1

Silver linings are everywhere in our lives. I try to appreciate them when I see them. My family has lived through four generations of alcoholism, but it wasn’t until my daughter was stricken with drug addiction that I was motivated to go into serious recovery for myself. Losing Angie all these years to this cruel disease has been heartbreaking, and my serenity has come at a very high price. But though I’ll never get over these lost years with her, I like to think that she would be glad that I’ve survived and am learning to live well. This is how I honor her memory. She’s left a few flowers along the way, and I’m grateful.

Punching It Out

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There are many stages to grief and loss. I’m grateful to be at a place of acceptance and peace now. But I didn’t always feel this way. Four years ago I was very, very angry, as is clear in this scene from my memoir (A Mother’s Story: Angie Doesn’t Live Here Anymore):

“’I hate you, Addiction! You are the curse of this century and I despise you. You’ve stolen my daughter and this is what I think of you: Kapow! Boom! Left jab to the right eye. Bleed, you b—– Angie may not have the strength to fight you, but I do. Here’s a right hook to your left eye. Keep bleeding, you s-o-b. This one’s for my dad. Ever since I can remember, you snatched him from my life. This one’s for Angie, you piece of sh–. Is this how you get off? Turning a beautiful, bright young woman into a vegetable? And this one’s for me, you giant succubus. Me, I won’t let you destroy. Me, I’m gonna save. So that my children and grandchildren will see that there is hope when struggling with Addiction. It doesn’t always have to win.’”

And it hasn’t. One day at a time, I’m learning to save myself from addiction and all the devastation it has caused in my life…and for this I am very grateful. Life does go on, and the world still turns.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other Voices Are Calling Me

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

emily and cate at emily's wedding

Most of us have experienced the pain of substance abuse, either directly or indirectly. It’s everywhere in our society, and addiction in all its forms has the power to take away our happiness and wellbeing. My daughter Angie has scrambled in and out of the rabbit hole for over fifteen years, and much of the time I was in it with her. But I’ve learned to let go of a disease and its ensuing consequences that I have no control over. Yes, let go.

Once the tears have dried and we can open our eyes, maybe we can look around us and see what’s left from all the chaos and devastation: a job we like, flowers that are blooming, other family members, good health, enough money to be comfortable, friends who care and don’t judge us. The list goes on. These little girls are my great joy lately, and if I didn’t have them I hope I could find the courage to celebrate something else—anything else—in my life. Because time passes too quickly, and before we know it, ours is up. Life is too precious to waste.