marilea.rabasa@gmail.com

The Power Of Each Moment

From Each Day A New Beginning, April 15: “’It seems to me that I have always been waiting for something better—sometimes to see the best I had always snatched from me.’ ~Dorothy Reed Mendenhall Gratitude for what is prepares us for the blessings just around the corner. What is so necessary to understand is that our wait for what’s around the corner closes our eyes to the joys of the present moment…We can, each of us, look back on former days, realizing that we learned too late the value of a friend or an experience…When we detach from the present and wait for tomorrow…we are stunting our spiritual growth. Life can only bless us now, one breath at a time.” Attitude is everything in my life. I have losses. Everyone does. I can waste time regretting the past or projecting into an uncertain future. Today I can keep my feet planted on the ground and open my eyes. This is how I choose to live. My recovery program has assured me that I will always have choices, and I can only try to do the next right...

The Three A’s: Awareness; Acceptance; and Action

T From: Hope for Today, April 25: “True recovery takes place when I step out on faith and carry out…new behavior. Then I know a small portion of me has grown. When I take action based on introspection and meditation, I push my recovery boundaries further. I know if I keep on this path I will always keep growing…Outward action must follow inner work to truly take root in my life.” Insight into ourselves is valuable, but unless we do the footwork to change what may be necessary, our insight isn’t enough. Just for today I will try to grow toward the...

The Yin and Yang of Living

1 From Each Day A New Beginning, April 8: “’Life is patchwork—here and there, pleasure and despair, Joined together, hit or miss.’ ~Anne Bronaugh As you look ahead to this day, you can count on unexpected experiences. You can count on moments of laughter. And you can count on twinges of fear. Life is seldom what we expect, but we can trust that we will survive the rough times. They will, in fact, soften our edges. Pleasure and pain share equally in the context of our lives. We so easily forget that our growth comes from the challenges we label “problems.”  We do have the tools at hand to reap the benefits inherent in the problems that may face us today. Let us move gently forward, take the program with us, and watch the barriers disappear.” If we remain steeped in sorrow, are we receptive to joy? If all goes well for us, are we prepared for the valleys? There will always be a mix of both in our lives. The trick is to find a balance and not be overwhelmed by either emotion. To be able to say, “Okay today was not a good day, but I’m confident tomorrow will be a good day.” I have found that when I look for joy, I find...

Just Love Them

J From Hope for Today, April 1: “Growing up in an alcoholic home gave me ample preparation to become a perfectionist. Almost nothing I did as a youth was ever right. Inside I felt rage at never meeting my parents’ expectations. I promised myself I would do things differently. By the time I reached my thirties, however, I could hear my parents’ critical voices speaking through me. I knew I was using the same words spoken to me.” I could have written that myself. And I’m so grateful for the awareness I’ve picked up from my years of recovery. In the early years of my daughter Angie’s addiction, I was oppressive in my attempts to get her to “buckle under and shape up.” What? Would I use those words if she had cancer or any other disease? I got quite an education in the rooms of recovery, first of all in accepting that drug addiction is a brain disease. The American Medical Association has been saying that since the 1950’s, but who was listening?  With that awareness, there was no room in my heart for judgment  or criticism. Only compassion, understanding, and love. Now, if I have any interaction with Angie, all that I say or do springs from the heart of a mother. I love my child. Some things are beautiful in their...

Freeing Our Children

F “Angie told me once that that’s why she hated NA meetings: often in attendance were drug addicts not in recovery, people she needed to avoid. But in her case I don’t think that’s true. I think she didn’t go to meetings because she needed to deal with her addiction her way, and not be told by anyone else what to do: CSR—compulsively self-reliant—just like her mother. Or maybe she just wasn’t ready to embrace recovery at all, a painful possibility I had not yet considered. I was still determined, at that point, to believe that she was going to beat her addiction and that I, of course, would be the glorious savior she would spend the rest of her life thanking, handing me my redemption on a silver platter. I would finally, thank God, let go of the oppressive burden I was placing on my daughter by demanding she get well so that I could be OK. My mother unconsciously did the same thing with her children: she was a demanding perfectionist, beating back the pain of self-doubt and unworthiness by raising “successful” children. I’m very glad to have found recovery from my dysfunctional upbringing. It has helped to  “relieve me of the bondage of self” (Anonymous Press 63). And most importantly, most importantly of all, my recovery has freed my children.” You can find my book, A Mother’s Story: Angie Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, by Maggie C. Romero (pseudonym) on...

Finding A Healthy Solution

From Each Day A New Beginning, April 11: “’An element of recovery is learning that we deserve success, the good things that come to us, and also that pain is a reality. We have the strength to deal with that reality, and it will pass.’ ~Dudley Martineau Many of us didn’t understand the changing variables in being human. Our coping skills were at a minimum until we discovered what alcohol or pills, even food, could do for us. And then, a drink or two—or six, maybe—got us through many a lonely evening. The desire for an easy solution might still haunt us, but time, new experiences, and program friends have taught us that our past habits weren’t really easy solutions. In reality they increased our problems and led us nowhere.” Some of us who love addicts have found comfort in substances ourselves. But when I make an effort to walk the spiritual path I have chosen, I no longer seek those easy solutions. As they say in the rooms, “My best thinking got me here.” I need to remember that and cease thinking that I have the best answers. Putting my faith in something greater than myself, I can let go of my human frailties. And all will be...

The Comfort Of Faith

From Each Day A New Beginning, November 24: “’If onlys are lonely.’ ~Morgan Jennings “The circumstances of our lives seldom live up to our expectations or desires. However, in each circumstance we are offered an opportunity for growth or change, a chance for greater understanding of life’s heights and pitfalls. Each time we choose to lament what isn’t, we close the door on the invitation to a better existence… The experiences we are offered will fail to satisfy our expectations because we expect so much less than God has planned for us in the days ahead… I will breathe deeply and relax. At this moment my every need is being attended to. My life is unfolding exactly as it should.” I’ve wrestled with my faith most of my life, always too self-reliant for my own good. But as I’ve watched my daughter succumb to heroin addiction, it has been a great comfort to me to learn how to harness a newfound belief in the power of something outside of myself, something I can turn to in my despair and know that something beautiful will come out of it. And it has: my whole life, and how I choose to live it now, is a...

Just For Today

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, but only saps todays of its strength.” ~A.J. Cronin Wow, it takes tremendous discipline to stay grounded in the present. To live “just for today.” On any given day, how do my thoughts wander back to past times, and the inevitable regrets that crop up from time to time? And if I’m not looking backwards, I’m projecting into a future that hasn’t even happened yet. This is natural for some of us who have an addicted loved one. It’s called “anticipatory grief,” and it’s meant to prepare us for the worst. And though it may be a way to soften future blows, the act of being there in a sad future keeps me from smelling the roses under my nose.  Today the sun came up over the mountain and last night there was a beautiful crescent moon. My friend has pneumonia and I’m going to take her flowers in the hospital. I’m reminded to be grateful for my good health. My friends and family in our recovery program are a great comfort to me as I move forward in my life. When I remember to stay focused on the present day and all the blessings that fill my days, I can step out with confidence and faith in my Higher Power, assured that all is...

Laughter is Contagious

From Hope for Today, April 6: “I also used humor as a manipulative tool to get people to like me. …My sense of humor wasn’t spontaneous or appropriate. I used it to please people. When no one was around to please, however, I was miserable… Today my sense of humor is a natural reflection of who I am. I experience the world through smiles and laughter rather than through bitter smirks. I share joy with others rather than seek company for my misery. I help others heal rather than attack them. I allow my sense of humor to unfold naturally, just the way it was meant, and I watch the wonderful results as my Higher Power works through me toward a higher...