Surrender

Living Now

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“One Day At A Time”

 I never knew how to honor that slogan about living moment to moment and staying in the present. I was always wedded to either the past, usually full of regrets, or the future, full of anxiety and fear. I’m not sure why so many of us do that. It’s been a challenge for me to learn to live right now and pay attention to what’s right in front of me.

Doing so has helped me get more out of my life. It’s a waste of my time to stay stuck in the past to things I can’t do anything about now. If I made mistakes then, yes, I can try to right the wrongs. And the best way to do that is by “living amends.” Changing my attitudes and behavior and doing things differently now.

As to the future and worrying about a time that hasn’t arrived yet, that’s wasteful too. And worrying about the future takes my attention away from the present. I want to appreciate the smell of the honeysuckle as it’s blooming right now, not feel sad that it will be past its prime in a month.

My recovery program has given me many tools, including this slogan, to learn how to live my life well.

“Let Go And Let God”

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Not of everything! I still have to do the wash and take a shower. I still have to move through my life with a minimum of conflict and get things done.

The bumps occur when I try to control what I have no power over. And that’s a whole encyclopedia of opinions that there’s no room for here.

Regarding the addiction of my daughter, Angie, I did spend years trying, but ultimately I gave up the fight to save her from the disease that was destroying her life. I gave up because the effort was slowly killing me as well and all the other relationships in my life. How many lives had to be sacrificed before the altar of addiction?

So I made a choice: I chose life. God Bless all of us who face the same choice and must let go of that which we cannot change. I hope we will find the God-given wisdom to see the difference between white-knuckling it through life—and leaning into it. Surrender. Acceptance. Peace.

 

Turning It Over

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From Courage to Change, January 23:

“In Step Three, we “made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.”  This is a big decision for those of us who have a tough time making even small decisions. Until I found Alanon, I tended to let others decide how I should live, where I should go, and what I should do. The paradox is that, though I took little responsibility for my own life, I saw myself as an expert on everyone else’s life and felt accountable for all that happened.

The order in which the first three Steps are written helps me overcome these attitude problems. First, I accept my inability to control the disease of alcoholism and admit that my life is unmanageable (when I try to exert control, my words). Next, I come to believe that a Power greater than myself can help. After taking these two Steps, it becomes possible, desirable, and even logical, to make the enormous decision to trust my life to a Higher Power’s care.”

 

Many feel that the First Step is the hardest: to admit that we are powerless to help our loved one through addiction. We love, and intuitively, we want to rescue him from the disaster than might be coming. But—and this is a process that takes longer for some than others—once we accept the reality of our powerlessness, and ask for help to let go of our loved one in his addiction, there is a freedom that defies description.

And we can move on with our lives.

Remember life? It’s still out there!

The Freedom That Comes With Surrender

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From Courage to Change, January 14:

“I learned in Alanon that I’m bound to fail to make someone else stop drinking because I am powerless over alcoholism. Others in the fellowship had failed as well, yet they seemed almost happy to admit it. In time, I understood: by letting go of this battle we were sure to lose, we became free.

Gradually, I learned that nothing I did or did not do would convince my loved one to get sober. I understood intellectually, but it took time before I believed it in my heart…Today I will take the path to personal freedom and serenity that begins when I surrender.”

 

My mother love doesn’t operate on an “intellectual” level. I behave on instinct, and it’s a natural instinct to want to save our children. I tried to save Angie—for years. I thought that NOT trying was giving up. And I would never give up on my child.

In time, I learned about the nature of addiction—what it was and what it wasn’t. It’s not a choice or a moral failure; it’s an illness, and I have no more power to cure her from that than from any other disease.

So, other than leading Angie to programs that might help her, I’ve let go. There’s nothing more I can do. I pray for her and hope she reaches for recovery from the illness that has separated her from her family. And I hope she comes back to us.

But life is short, and I want mine back. I’ve turned my attention to other people and things in my life. I count my blessings every day, and I’m grateful to be alive. There are lessons I’ve learned that only suffering teaches, and I join hands with all loved ones of addicts here. God Bless Us All!

There Are Many Paths To Spirituality

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From Each Day A New Beginning, November 28:

“’The idea of God is different in every person.  The joy of my recovery was to find God within me.’ ~Angela Wozniak

Coming to believe in a greater power brings such relief to us in our daily struggles. And on occasion we still fight for control to be all-powerful ourselves, only to realize that the barriers we confront are of our own making…The program’s greatest gift to us is relief from anxiety, the anxiety that so often turned us to booze, or pills, or candy. Relief is felt every time we let go of the problem that’s entrapped us and wait for the comfort and guidance God guarantees.”

 

 

My program of recovery is not based on any organized religion. I was raised in a church, but my concept of God was childlike—a vision of Santa Claus to give me what I asked for. I lacked the maturity and discipline it takes to develop faith and hold on to it.

When I started to read the literature and use the tools available, I entered into uncharted territory where I was asked to let go of my grip on circumstances and allow someone else to take over. Many people think of “God” as that other force, but just as many others focus on nature or the recovery fellowship found at meetings.

The point is, my isolation is over and I am now partnering with a Being who is all-loving and all-powerful. I have learned to surrender to His will and put my faith in Him. This is the spirituality I speak of, and my path is only one of many out there.

Acceptance of what is, and nurturing my faith that all things are unfolding as they are meant to, have given me a sense of peace and serenity that I had never known before. When I’m willing to take myself out of the driver’s seat and surrender to God’s will, I feel free and able to move forward with my life.

 

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ~Soren Kierkegaard

 

 

 

Sunrises and Sunsets

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“Taint worthwhile to wear a day all out before it comes.”

 Worry.

We all do it. It’s normal to think about those we love, and when they’re in trouble, think about what we can do to help.

But it’s when that worry extends beyond a day—as well as to matters we have no control over—that WE get worn out, not the day.

And when we’re worn out, our life is in danger of becoming unmanageable: we’re tired; we make bad decisions; we lose all healthy perspective; we lose our sense of humor, and without that, we’re whipped.

So how do we not worry? By remembering that tomorrow hasn’t happened yet. It’s wasteful to put our mental energy into it.

I try to focus on today, on what’s right in front of me. Like the laundry.

Yes, it’s a distraction from bigger things. But sometimes getting a nasty spot out of my favorite jeans, or watching the colors of the sky change as the sun goes down—or anything positive that’s happening in the moment—might just take the sting out of all the worrisome tomorrows that will still be there when I wake up.

But at least I had the good sense to enjoy that sunset.

The Serenity Prayer At Work

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From Each Day A New Beginning, November 19:

“Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.” ~Minna Antrim

“…Our longing for only life’s joys is human—also folly, Joy would become insipid if it were our steady diet. Joyful times serve us well as respites from the trying situations that push our growth and development as women…

Joy and sorrow are analogous to the ebb and flow of the ocean tide. They are natural rhythms. And we are mellowed by their presence when we accept them as necessary to our very existence.”

 

Of all the tools at my disposal in recovery, I think acceptance has been the most valuable. When I practice the Serenity Prayer, I am free of the resistance and pain that have held me hostage for so long. I’m learning to “lean into my life,” as a friend said at a meeting. In this way, I can let go of things that have held me back. I can practice serenity and strive to be happy—an ongoing process. And I wish that for all of my sisters and brothers in recovery. God Bless!

 

Positive Thinking

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What I love about spiritual recovery is looking outside of myself for power and inspiration. It’s a conscious choice I make. I’m not a victim of past mishaps or present circumstances, but I need help to guide me toward living well. So I turn to Spirit, God, Higher Power, whatever you want to call Him/Her. I’m grateful there is a Being to lead me out of my spiritual darkness. I’m happier if I actively turn my head toward the light and hold onto a positive attitude, regardless of the storms raging around me. If I keep my faith alive, I know that I’m going to be okay.

 

 

 

Silver Linings

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From Courage to Change, January 11:

‘For me, alcoholism has proven to be a bittersweet legacy—bitter because of the pain I suffered, and sweet, because if it weren’t for that pain, I wouldn’t have searched for and found a better way of living.’ “Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism”

 

Some say they’re grateful to the addict for bringing us into the rooms. It’s one of my life’s greatest ironies. How can I be grateful for my recovery when it was the loss of my daughter Angie that motivated me to embrace it?

There’s no easy answer to that question. So, I take refuge in my faith. I believe that God has a plan for us all, and his plan for me and Angie is being fulfilled.

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today…unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy.” (The Big Book, p. 417)

 I try every day to hold onto the serenity I’ve found. I want that for all of us struggling through the despair of addiction. Praying we can find some peace in the midst of this cruel disease, through any means possible.