A great resource for adult children:
Courage
Love, Change, and Moving Forward
Memoir Excerpt:
“My Twelve-Step recovery, so far, has brought me a great deal of gratitude and serenity, mostly when I remember that voice from God telling me to let go of control and resistance. Yet there’s another part of me that hurts terribly when I witness the destruction of my daughter at the hands of Addiction. How can I be well while Angie is so sick? I’ve spent all these years searching for an answer.
Meghan O’Rourke, author of The Long Goodbye, in an interview discussing her own grief about losing her mother, says this: “I’m changed by it, the way a tree is changed by having to grow around an obstacle.
It’s the subliminal mother force in me. Grief and loss—they change us. I keep getting beamed onto Planet X, then back again, my molecules getting rearranged every time. Just as Angie has changed, so have I. I’ve loved my daughter as best I could for half of my life. How can losing her to this living death not change me?”
Second Chances
A close friend ended a heartfelt note recently with these words: “Marilea, I really regret keeping that secret from you all these years. I just couldn’t tell you, and I’m sorry. Can you ever forgive me?” My response to her: “There’s nothing to forgive! I don’t waste my time with might have been’s, what should have been done differently, or said more—because that doesn’t serve me now. We don’t get to go back and do things over. But we do get a second chance to live well. We can pass on what we’ve learned to all our loved ones. And those who come after us will benefit from our hard-won lessons. That’s enough for me. And when you think about it, that’s a great deal! Much love to you,”
Dwelling on the past keeps us stuck and unable to move ahead in our lives unencumbered. In Courage To Change, there’s a wonderful saying: “Look back without staring.” We can certainly know and understand where we’ve come from. But it doesn’t have to limit our possibilities now. We just need to find the courage to change what’s necessary and move forward.
The Wind In My Sails
“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.” Louisa May Alcott
I often hear that we must deal from strength, and I believe it to be true. So many times when I’ve made decisions based on fear, my judgment has been faulty and they haven’t been good ones. Now I’m learning to tame my fears, even turn them over to God. I’m freer to make clear-headed decisions and remain flexible—but sure. It’s going to be a beautiful day.
The Courage to Change
From the blue Nar-Anon pamphlet:
Changing Ourselves
“Addiction is like a chain reaction. It is a disease which affects the addict as well as the family members, friends and co-workers. We try to control, cover up, and take on the responsibilities of the addict. The sickness spreads to those of us who care the most. Eventually, we begin to feel used and unhappy. We worry, lose trust and become angry. The addict blames us and we feel guilty. If only something or someone would change!
When we discover Nar-Anon, we find others with the same feelings and problems. We learn we cannot control the addict or change him. We have become so addicted to the addict that it is difficult to shift the focus back to ourselves. We find that we must let go and turn to faith in a Higher Power. By working the steps, following the traditions and using the tools of the program, we begin, with the love and help of our Higher Power and others, to change ourselves.
As we reach out for help, we become ready to reach out a helping hand and heart to those in need of Nar-Anon. We understand. We do recover. Slowly, new persons emerge. Change is taking place.”
Though I have changed and grown through my work in the program, I still love my daughter and am available to help her if she reaches out to me for help. The difference is that I’m a healthier person now and am able to make the tough choices I couldn’t make years ago. I pray she finds the strength to come back to her family. We can’t get back the lost years, but I still have hope, like the warm New Mexican sun shining on me, and keeping my love strong.
Look To This Day, A New Day
Looking Within
Happiness Is An Inside Job
Loving Is Enough
From Courage to Change, January 8:
“I once emphatically told my family that their bickering was making our newly-sober loved one nervous and this might cause her to start drinking again. I was shocked when I was told just as emphatically “Well, let her!” I realized that I was still trying to make everything smooth and easy for the alcoholic, because I hadn’t accepted that I was just as powerless over alcoholism in sobriety as I had been during the active years.
It was then that I truly discovered how beautifully ‘Letting go and letting God’ can truly work. When I fully understood how powerless I was over the situation, I was able to trust that the alcoholic has her own Higher Power and that, together, they can work out her future. I felt like a new person because I was free of the constant need to watch over her, free to live my own life.
I care about the alcoholic in my life more than I can say. I wish her health, happiness, and sobriety, but I cannot hand these things to her. Angie and her Higher Power are in charge of that. I can only love her, and when I stop to think about it, that is enough.”
Life Is For The Living: Live It Well!
From Courage to Change, March 23:
“They say that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. If I learn to accept that pain is part of life, I will be better able to endure the difficult times and then move on, leaving the pain behind me.”
‘When we long for life without…difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.’ Peter Marshall
Let your brilliance shine like diamonds in 2015. Happy Holidays to my friends and family. God Bless Us, Every One!