My recovery, and my life in general, is all about appreciating what I have amid the disappointments. For me, that’s the only way to be happy. My recovery is grounded in gratitude. God Bless Us—Everyone!
Attitudes
Let God Do It…
Like most of us here, I raised my family with the best of intentions. I loved my kids to the moon—still do—but I also felt completely responsible for them. That’s understandable when they’re children and young adults. But at some point—and this place is different for all of us—we must relinquish our responsibility and allow our children to be responsible for themselves.
This gets so complicated because mental health issues so often accompany active addiction. There is so much for our children to shoulder, and we want to help.
This understanding is never more critical than when our adult children struggle with addiction. If we are hampered by guilt—a truly crippling emotion—we might allow ourselves to feel overly responsible. This in turn puts us at risk of becoming enablers. And that downward spiral will continue—until we break free of it.
”We didn’t cause it; we can’t control it; we can’t cure it.”
Letting Go
Letting go…how do we do that? Whether our addict is fifteen or thirty-five, how do we let go of the fight to save them? I guess when I’m finally convinced that I can’t play God anymore. When I finally see that she’s not making a choice, but is in the grips of a cruel disease. When I accept all this, it’s easier for me to accept my powerlessness. When I’m finally convinced that I don’t have the power to cure a disease—not in my daughter…not in myself—then I can let go and let God.
That realization is a painful one, but it also sets us free to live our lives as best we can. I have much in my life to be grateful for; I want to celebrate my blessings every day. And that includes Angie—because without her struggle I never would have taken such a close look at my life in an effort to live well. In spite of everything, I believe with all my heart that my daughter would want me to.
Accepting Change
“The Serenity Prayer teaches us to accept the things we cannot change. This disease has strongly affected us because our relationships and the quality of our lives have changed. We may feel confused, disappointed, resentful, or frustrated as a result of our present changing circumstances. If we accept we have these feelings and deal with them, we may find that we are strengthened in faith and self-care.
We learn to accept love, support, nurturing, and comfort from others and our Higher Power. We ask a Higher Power to change the things we can and the wisdom and clarity to make the right choices.”
“Agape” is one of the Greek words for love. The English word agape comes from that. We see the image of an open mouth. That to me is what love and acceptance can be: a readiness to receive what is given—without resistance. That’s the key; acceptance without conditions.
The Power Of Positive Thinking
From Each Day A New Beginning, November 12:
“Our minds mold who we become. Our thoughts not only contribute to our achievements, they determine the posture of our lives. How very powerful they are. Fortunately we have the power to think the thoughts new choose, which means our lives will unfold much as we expect…
Our minds prepare us for success. They also prepare us for failure if we let our thoughts become negative.”
I’ve seen so clearly in my own life how sadness and negative posturing can cripple us and keep us from moving forward. There’s just no percentage in clinging to our pain. If there were, I’d happily wear it as a cloak for all to see. But it doesn’t. It just keeps me from my own capacity for joy.
We’re all in the same boat here. Addiction and its consequences have stolen much from our lives. But recovery from it has brought into sharper focus all that it has left me in its wake. I’m left now with gratitude for all the blessings in my life. At this time of year, let’s all celebrate something to be thankful for. And try to remain positive and hopeful about the future.
Remember: “Thoughts become things; choose the good ones.”
My Recovery Is Grounded In Gratitude
Dear friends,
It’s that challenging time of year again when holidays and all they symbolize beckon us into that place of remembrance. Sometimes happy memories are hard to bear amid our disappointments. S this is the time of year when I really step up my program. A spirit of gratitude has been the one tool that has always worked to elevate me from my despair around Angie. So I hope that all of us can bring that spirit into our lives during this season of thanksgiving and count our blessings. We’ve all lost loved ones one way or another to the cruel disease of addiction.
But the sun still comes up every day and sets every night. Life goes on—and we with it. Let’s keep hope alive and live every day as best we can. Blessings to you all!
Feeling The Sun On My Face
Words Of Wisdom From A Great American Historian
“TO BE HOPEFUL in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.
What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.
And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”
― Howard Zinn
“Changed Attitudes Can Aid Recovery”
From Each Day A New Beginning, June 29:
“Self-pity is a parasite that feeds on itself. Many of us are inclined toward self-pity, not allowing for the balance of life’s natural tragedies. We will face good and bad times—and they will pass. With certainty they will pass…
Recovery is learning new responses, feeling and behaving in healthier ways. We need not get caught by self-pity. We can always feel it coming on. And we can let it go.”
In my recovery program, I’ve leaned that I have choices. I don’t have to be on automatic pilot anymore. “Awareness, acceptance, action”—the 3 A’s. I can choose new attitudes. I can choose acceptance and gratitude. Then happiness will follow me.
“Is It Working For You?”
From The Forum, June, 2015:
“The Suggested Preamble to the Twelve Steps have been the most helpful in my recovery: ‘We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery.’ That is to say, it is our attitudes, not our situation, that cause our unhappiness.
When I first came to Al-Anon, and heard these words being read, it was like listening to a foreign language that I did not speak. It was beyond my comprehension that I could find peace and happiness through a change in my own attitude. As I heard these words being read week after week and meeting upon meeting, I resisted the suggestion that I could find peace and contentment if I would become willing to change the attitudes that kept me a prisoner of pain and suffering.
First of all, I didn’t know that I had any particular attitude. My thinking made perfect sense to me. There was nothing wrong with my attitude. I didn’t even understand what my attitude was. Slowly, as I listened in meetings and began working the Steps with my Sponsor, my attitude did begin to change. I was not consciously aware of the change, but I did recognize that my life was less stressful and I was finding periods of happiness and serenity.
One night, a few years into the program, it hit me. I was leading a meeting and as I read the Suggested Preamble to the Twelve Steps, these words ‘…changed attitudes can aid recovery’ struck me. I wanted to laugh out loud and say, ‘Duh…do you think?’ It was so completely clear to me. I got it. I really got it!
Although up to that point, I had changed in many ways, I really believe that this singular, amazing, and powerful moment of clarity was the turning point in my recovery. Reflecting on that moment and remembering the words ‘changed attitudes can aid recovery’ during personal struggles and moments of frustration, kept me willing to continue my journey of self-discovery and brought me a spiritual awakening I would never have thought possible.”
Beautifully spoken by Paula w. of Arizona. I can’t really add much to that, except something my sponsor told me to always ask myself when complaining about a situation that I find myself in: “Is it working for you?” I should always ask myself, and if it’s not, what can I do to change it? Often it’s a change in my behavior, but when that proves fruitless then sometimes a change in attitude is all I need to get a good night’s sleep. Is it a problem I have any control over? No? Then let go and let God. Go to sleep. Maybe other solutions will present themselves tomorrow. But for now, give yourself a good night’s rest—because you’re worth it.