Acceptance

White Knuckling

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

From Each Day A New Beginning, August 15:

“’Life does not need to mutilate itself in order to be pure’. ~Simone Weil

How terribly complicated we choose to make life’s many questions. Should we call a friend and apologize or wait for her call? Are the children getting the kind of care they must, right now? That “we came to believe in a power greater than ourselves” is often far from our thoughts when we most need it.

Our need to make all things perfect, to know all the answers, to control everything within our range, creates problems where none really exist. And the more we focus on the problem we’ve created, the bigger it becomes.

The program offers us another way to approach life…We can learn to accept the things we cannot change, and change the things we can—with practice.”

 

My recovery requires hard work. But the result is beyond what I had ever imagined. White knuckling my way through life only made me miserable. I’m glad I chose to let go of my need to always be in charge and have faith in something greater (and smarter) than me.

I will practice acceptance today. I will loosen my grip on the elements of my life and feel the color coming back to my knuckles. And the world will keep turning.

 

The Freedom That Comes With Surrender

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From Courage to Change, January 14:

“I learned in Alanon that I’m bound to fail to make someone else stop drinking because I am powerless over alcoholism. Others in the fellowship had failed as well, yet they seemed almost happy to admit it. In time, I understood: by letting go of this battle we were sure to lose, we became free.

Gradually, I learned that nothing I did or did not do would convince my loved one to get sober. I understood intellectually, but it took time before I believed it in my heart…Today I will take the path to personal freedom and serenity that begins when I surrender.”

 

My mother love doesn’t operate on an “intellectual” level. I behave on instinct, and it’s a natural instinct to want to save our children. I tried to save Angie—for years. I thought that NOT trying was giving up. And I would never give up on my child.

In time, I learned about the nature of addiction—what it was and what it wasn’t. It’s not a choice or a moral failure; it’s an illness, and I have no more power to cure her from that than from any other disease.

So, other than leading Angie to programs that might help her, I’ve let go. There’s nothing more I can do. I pray for her and hope she reaches for recovery from the illness that has separated her from her family. And I hope she comes back to us.

But life is short, and I want mine back. I’ve turned my attention to other people and things in my life. I count my blessings every day, and I’m grateful to be alive. There are lessons I’ve learned that only suffering teaches, and I join hands with all loved ones of addicts here. God Bless Us All!

There Are Many Paths To Spirituality

Marilea C. Rabasa2 Comments

From Each Day A New Beginning, November 28:

“’The idea of God is different in every person.  The joy of my recovery was to find God within me.’ ~Angela Wozniak

Coming to believe in a greater power brings such relief to us in our daily struggles. And on occasion we still fight for control to be all-powerful ourselves, only to realize that the barriers we confront are of our own making…The program’s greatest gift to us is relief from anxiety, the anxiety that so often turned us to booze, or pills, or candy. Relief is felt every time we let go of the problem that’s entrapped us and wait for the comfort and guidance God guarantees.”

 

 

My program of recovery is not based on any organized religion. I was raised in a church, but my concept of God was childlike—a vision of Santa Claus to give me what I asked for. I lacked the maturity and discipline it takes to develop faith and hold on to it.

When I started to read the literature and use the tools available, I entered into uncharted territory where I was asked to let go of my grip on circumstances and allow someone else to take over. Many people think of “God” as that other force, but just as many others focus on nature or the recovery fellowship found at meetings.

The point is, my isolation is over and I am now partnering with a Being who is all-loving and all-powerful. I have learned to surrender to His will and put my faith in Him. This is the spirituality I speak of, and my path is only one of many out there.

Acceptance of what is, and nurturing my faith that all things are unfolding as they are meant to, have given me a sense of peace and serenity that I had never known before. When I’m willing to take myself out of the driver’s seat and surrender to God’s will, I feel free and able to move forward with my life.

 

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ~Soren Kierkegaard

 

 

 

Life Is For The Living; Live It Well!

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From Courage to Change, March 23:

“They say that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. If I learn to accept that pain is part of life, I will be better able to endure the difficult times and then move on, leaving the pain behind me.”

‘When we long for life without…difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.’ ~Peter Marshall

 

There is no life without difficulty. But my recovery program has given me the tools to embrace the challenges I face with grace under pressure. Acceptance of what is. Joy in the simple things. Gratitude for all I have. When I steer my attitude in a positive direction, life is good.

Let your brilliance shine like diamonds in 2018. Best wishes to my friends and family. God Bless Us, Every One!

 

Sunrises and Sunsets

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

“Taint worthwhile to wear a day all out before it comes.”

 Worry.

We all do it. It’s normal to think about those we love, and when they’re in trouble, think about what we can do to help.

But it’s when that worry extends beyond a day—as well as to matters we have no control over—that WE get worn out, not the day.

And when we’re worn out, our life is in danger of becoming unmanageable: we’re tired; we make bad decisions; we lose all healthy perspective; we lose our sense of humor, and without that, we’re whipped.

So how do we not worry? By remembering that tomorrow hasn’t happened yet. It’s wasteful to put our mental energy into it.

I try to focus on today, on what’s right in front of me. Like the laundry.

Yes, it’s a distraction from bigger things. But sometimes getting a nasty spot out of my favorite jeans, or watching the colors of the sky change as the sun goes down—or anything positive that’s happening in the moment—might just take the sting out of all the worrisome tomorrows that will still be there when I wake up.

But at least I had the good sense to enjoy that sunset.

Accepting Ourselves

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“If we have submerged ourselves in the needs of others we may have lost sight of who we are, our self-esteem and individual rights. Awareness of the futility of doing the same things over and over, trying to control another person, and expecting that one day these actions will work, is freeing if we allow it to be. We are entitled to our own opinions, beliefs, limitations, and strengths. Accepting and loving ourselves for who we are will enable us to grow and change.

The less we try to manage others’ lives, the more effective we become. If we are accepting of others and the things around us, we can simply be ourselves.”

The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I have accepted that my Higher Power will restore me to sanity. I will cease trying to force solutions and control my daughter.

She has her own path and her own Higher Power. And I have mine.

Letting go of Angie in this way has been very hard. But it’s the only way that I’ve successfully been able to reclaim my life and live well. There are other voices calling out to me, and I’m listening.

 

The Serenity Prayer At Work

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From Each Day A New Beginning, November 19:

“Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.” ~Minna Antrim

“…Our longing for only life’s joys is human—also folly, Joy would become insipid if it were our steady diet. Joyful times serve us well as respites from the trying situations that push our growth and development as women…

Joy and sorrow are analogous to the ebb and flow of the ocean tide. They are natural rhythms. And we are mellowed by their presence when we accept them as necessary to our very existence.”

 

Of all the tools at my disposal in recovery, I think acceptance has been the most valuable. When I practice the Serenity Prayer, I am free of the resistance and pain that have held me hostage for so long. I’m learning to “lean into my life,” as a friend said at a meeting. In this way, I can let go of things that have held me back. I can practice serenity and strive to be happy—an ongoing process. And I wish that for all of my sisters and brothers in recovery. God Bless!

 

Personal Progress

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From Each Day A New Beginning, December 31:

“…Daily attention to our spiritual side will foster the spiritual and emotional health we long for. Prayer and meditation, combined with honest inventory-taking, can show us the personal progress needed, the personal progress made. However, we will falter on occasion. We will neglect our program some days. But it won’t ever be beyond our reach. And each day is a new beginning…”

It’s a comfort to know that I can start my program over at any time. Perfectionism is a hard task master, and it used to drive me to unrelenting self-criticism. I wore a tough outer shell that was hard to penetrate; no wonder I was lonely!

My Higher Power has shown me how to me gentle with myself and kind. As I learn to treat myself better, this behavior extends to those around me. All of my relationships benefit from my new and improved attitudes. I am grateful for the softness and light I have found in the miracle of twelve-step recovery.

Look To This Day

Marilea C. Rabasa1 Comment

“Look to this day:
For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence.
The bliss of growth,
The glory of action,
The splendour of achievements
Are but experiences of time.

For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision;
And today well-lived, makes
Yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well therefore to this day;
Such is the salutation to the ever-new dawn!” ~Kalidasa

These words, “And today, well-lived, makes yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope,” are a great way to start 2018. My recovery program teaches me how to live well. It encourages me to let go of any negative energy remaining from past events. To let go and move on to the present. I focus on what I can see now—what’s right in front of me—and count my blessings.

Tomorrow hasn’t happened yet and therein lies my hope for good things to come. But whatever happens in the future, if I remain grounded in the present, I will accept whatever comes my way with grace and, yes, even gratitude. Maybe it’s the retired teacher in me, but I see every challenge in my life as a lesson to be learned. And if I keep an open mind, the learning never stops.

Happy New Year, everyone! Blessings to you all!