Positive Thinking

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

What I love about spiritual recovery is looking outside of myself for power and inspiration. It’s a conscious choice I make. I’m not a victim of past mishaps or present circumstances, but I need help to guide me toward living well. So I turn to Spirit, God, Higher Power, whatever you want to call Him/Her. I’m grateful there is a Being to lead me out of my spiritual darkness. I’m happier if I actively turn my head toward the light and hold onto a positive attitude, regardless of the storms raging around me. If I keep my faith alive, I know that I’m going to be okay.

 

 

 

The End Of Isolation

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

“Thank You For My Recovery”

I always end my shares at meetings with these words. Why am I thanking the people there for my recovery? Because they and so many others are the mirrors I need to see myself as I really am and grow.

Before my recovery in the rooms, I was depressed and very isolated. I still saw people, I worked, I had friends. But on what level was I operating a lot of the time? I was often very dishonest, with myself most of all. So I shuffled through life, bewildered, often feeling like a victim, sad, and unaware of the tools out there that, if utilized, gave me the power to be happy.

The 12-Steps and other tools I’ve picked up in the rooms are my guidepost for living. They encourage me to review my life but not to stay stuck in the past. They ask me to look at my imperfections, ways I may have hurt others, make amends to them, and move on. This is where the mirrors I mentioned are especially critical, why it’s helpful to have a sponsor and other friends who can give me honest feedback about myself. Help me to be accountable. To grow. Up. Shed any illusions about myself that may have been getting in my way.

I got my life back in the rooms. Regardless of the storms whirling around me, and we all know what that’s like, if I have myself and my health and wellbeing to anchor me, I’m much stronger to weather my difficulties.

Silver Linings

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

 

From Courage to Change, January 11:

‘For me, alcoholism has proven to be a bittersweet legacy—bitter because of the pain I suffered, and sweet, because if it weren’t for that pain, I wouldn’t have searched for and found a better way of living.’ “Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism”

 

Some say they’re grateful to the addict for bringing us into the rooms. It’s one of my life’s greatest ironies. How can I be grateful for my recovery when it was the loss of my daughter Angie that motivated me to embrace it?

There’s no easy answer to that question. So, I take refuge in my faith. I believe that God has a plan for us all, and his plan for me and Angie is being fulfilled.

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today…unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy.” (The Big Book, p. 417)

 I try every day to hold onto the serenity I’ve found. I want that for all of us struggling through the despair of addiction. Praying we can find some peace in the midst of this cruel disease, through any means possible.

 

Thawing Out Emotionally

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

From Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, p. 174:

 “Alcoholism has been called a robber and a thief because it steals so much from those of us affected by it. I have faced many losses as a result of growing up with this family disease. First and foremost, alcoholism robbed me of my capacity to feel my emotions. So, when my parents divorced, I tried not to feel anything. When my father left, I blocked my grief. Each time another loss surfaced over the years, I succeeded in burying it.

Years later, I entered the rooms of Al-Anon and very slowly began to thaw out from this emotionally frozen condition. As time passed, divorce, geographic separation, and death brought losses to my life. With each loss, the Al-Anon tools and fellowship were there to support me, but only to the extent that I allowed.”

 

That disclaimer at the end is important to acknowledge because the tools in the program are available to me even though I don’t always use them. But like any other habit that I incorporate into my life for my own betterment—like healthy eating and exercise—I need to keep at it with regular practice. And eventually, like breathing and feeling grateful for the abundance in my life, it becomes second nature. “I keep coming back; I work it cuz I’m worth it!”

 

More Letting Go

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

From Each Day A New Beginning, October 29:

“Perfectionism may be our bane, as it is for so many of us in the program. We’ve learned to push, push harder, and even harder yet, not only ourselves but those around us. We must be better, we think, and we tighten our hold on life. The program can teach us to loosen our grip, if we’ll let it. The magic is that when we loosen our grip on this day, this activity, this person, we get carried gently along and find that which we struggled to control happening smoothly and naturally. Life is a series of ironies.”

I like the word “gently.” I enjoy my ability to take deep breaths and relax more. What I do or don’t do in life isn’t that important in the scheme of things. I do well to remember that, to remember my place. To honor my responsibilities, but not to take on what is not mine to do. I don’t need to be perfect in any way, and I will laugh at my frailties. With this attitude, I feel welcomed into the human race—not isolated from it.

Letting go is a constant process, and necessary for continued growth. I swept through my closet recently and purged it of clothes I no longer wear. As I get older, I find I need to let go of more and more things.

People, character defects, outdated attitudes—they are all subject to my scrutiny. And I am continually trying to let go of things that no longer serve my well-being. It’s hard to release my hold on some things. But when I do, I make room for new growth in my life. (and closet, lol!)

 

Trusting In Ourselves

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

From Hope for Today, November 12:

“Serenity? What is that? For years, I was like a weather vane that spun around according to the air currents that other people generated… I attributed these mood swings to nervousness, lack of assurance, and whoever else occupied the room at the time. Serenity always seemed beyond my control… Where does this serenity come from? It comes from trusting that everything in my life is exactly as it should be… It comes when I choose to care for myself rather than to fix someone else…

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: I am powerless over many things, but my serenity is not one of them.”

In the rooms I am learning to keep the focus on myself rather than obsess about fixing other people. We have learned to “release our addicts with love and cease trying to change them.” I am the only person I have power over, and when I pay attention to my own growth and betterment, everyone else in my life benefits. This is selfishness at its best.

Someone once told me that the greatest gift we can give our children is our own happiness. So I will continue to strive for it every day—and it will nourish them and all the people in my life.

Our Growth Through Recovery

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

 From Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, p. 170:

“Reflecting on our progress:

‘Looking back, I can still experience the pain I once felt. But it’s the looking back that tells me how I have grown.’

…We recall where we were at the onset of our grief and acknowledge where we are today. Step Twelve is not only about our own changes. One member came to realize that Step Twelve is about more than creating a better life for himself; it is also about encouraging and helping others. When we share our struggles and the changes we’ve made, we inspire others and offer hope that healing from our grief is possible.

‘Thanks to Al-Anon, I have done more than just survive. I have emerged as a stronger, more loving, and more compassionate human being.’”

 

I liken the onset of my grief to being in a dark tunnel. Absolutely immersed in darkness and stumbling around, for lack of light. I stumbled around for a long time, crippled by my own demons and an inflated sense of responsibility.

Thank God for my recovery program which I finally had the good sense to follow. Years later, humbled by my inability to save my daughter, after countless meetings, readings and sharing, I decided that I was worth saving.

Unless we live in a bubble, there are surely other people in our lives whom we love and who love us. I miss Angie terribly, and I pray for her every day. But it’s the other people in my life who are benefitting the most from my ongoing recovery.

I’m grateful that I stayed in my program long enough for the miracles to begin. I made it through the tunnel and found the light. My life is good right now. I can laugh till my belly aches. I’m grateful for what’s right in front of me.

I’ve stopped chasing the butterfly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

Dear Friends,

It’s that time of year again—that challenging time of year—when holidays and all they symbolize beckon us into that place of remembrance. This is the time of year when I really step up my program.  A spirit of gratitude has been the one tool that has always worked to elevate me from my despair around my daughter. So I hope that we can bring that spirit into our lives during this season of thanksgiving and count our blessings. We’ve all lost loved ones one way or another to the cruel disease of addiction. But the sun still comes up every day and sets every night. Life goes on—and we with it. Let’s keep hope alive and live our lives as best we can. Blessings to you all!

Feeling Grateful Is A Blessing

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

From “When I Got Busy, I got Better,” p. 33:

 “Gratitude in Action”

“I see Lois W. as an image of the many Al-Anon members from whom I have received the peace of this program—regular folks from all walks of life, people with no special credentials, degrees, certificates, titles, or privileges.

Each of them has done or said something from which I’ve gained a measure of serenity, courage, or wisdom. Each of them has striven to pass on a sense of a spiritual awakening with the same open-handed generosity extended to them. Each of them has helped me by acting on the thought that service is gratitude in action.”

 

When I’m engaged in service, I’m not focused on myself or my problems. I give whatever I can, and I always receive more in return. Since I was very young, volunteering and other forms of service have been healthy ways to deal with personal troubles. I gain perspective when I remember that many other people are having more difficult lives for any number of reasons. When I stay focused on what’s good in my life, gratitude flows freely from my heart.

 

Our Power Over Words

Marilea C. Rabasa4 Comments

From Each Day A New Beginning, October 23:

…words are more powerful than perhaps anyone suspects, and once deeply engraved in a child’s mind, they are not easily eradicated.” ~May Sarton

How burdened we become, as little girls, with the labels applied by parents, teachers, even school chums. We believe about ourselves what others teach us to believe. The messages aren’t always overt. But even the very subtle ones are etched in our minds, and they remind us of our “shortcomings” long into adulthood…

Our partnership with God will help us will help us understand that we are spiritual beings with a wonderful purpose in this life. And we are as lovely, as capable, as successful as we perceive ourselves to be…It takes practice to believe in ourselves. But we can break the past’s hold on us.”

The step work in my recovery program has been critical in helping me find the “courage to change.” Whatever we become as adults, and however we got there, need not define us now. “Happiness is an inside job,” and I’ve needed to dig deep to get at the source of what wasn’t working in my life. But I needed help. My Higher Power and the fellowship I’ve enjoyed in the rooms for almost sixteen years have helped me discover the miracle that was always just around the corner. I’m so grateful to be alive and have this second chance to live my life in a better way. I wish the same for all my friends here. God Bless!