Take time to smell the honeysuckle! 🙂
Living Now
“One Day At A Time”
I never knew how to honor that slogan about living moment to moment and staying in the present. I was always wedded to either the past, usually full of regrets, or the future, full of anxiety and fear. I’m not sure why so many of us do that. It’s been a challenge for me to learn to live right now and pay attention to what’s right in front of me.
Doing so has helped me get more out of my life. It’s a waste of my time to stay stuck in the past to things I can’t do anything about now. If I made mistakes then, yes, I can try to right the wrongs. And the best way to do that is by “living amends.” Changing my attitudes and behavior and doing things differently now.
As to the future and worrying about a time that hasn’t arrived yet, that’s wasteful too. And worrying about the future takes my attention away from the present. I want to appreciate the smell of the honeysuckle as it’s blooming right now, not feel sad that it will be past its prime in a month.
My recovery program has given me many tools, including this slogan, to learn how to live my life well.
Beach Combing
I have a huge collection of shells that I’ve amassed over fifty years. But I’ve pretty much stopped collecting because I have no more room to put them! It’s time to enjoy what I have. And to wonder what they’ve represented to me all these years.
Ego. Such a fundamental part of the human condition, and yet the very thing that makes us human and separates us from God. It’s ego that keeps us struggling in our relationships, ego that keeps us from accepting things as they are and feeling content with what we have. Ego and our willfulness beneath it that traps us in our restless search to outdo ourselves and others.
And it’s ego that makes us want to leave an imprint in the sand.
All human beings wrestle with ego, but addicts have found a solution that elevates them from their soul sickness: losing themselves in substances and behaviors that provide oblivion for a time. “We want what we want when we want it.” That tired old phrase smacking of egocentricity and childishness.
Addicts in their disease are all about themselves. In Alcoholics Anonymous, one definition of an alcoholic is an egomaniac with an inferiority complex..
To be “relieved of the bondage of self,” as the Third Step Prayer states in the Big Book, I’m learning how to nurture a relationship with God and remember my place in relation to Him. My importance is next to nothing in the scheme of things. This keeps me right-sized and humble. I’m just another grain of sand on the beach.
Learning to live beyond ego has been one of my biggest challenges. And, like all my work in the school of recovery, there is no graduation.
I line up all my conches and other shells, like students in a classroom, mindful of what they are teaching me.
“Live and Let Live”
Good Enough
“Easy Does It”
When I entered the rooms sixteen years ago, I was desperately unhappy and wanted to learn and do everything perfectly.
But I needed to slow down and stop trying to force solutions.
I especially needed to get to know myself better, because until I did that I would continue making the same mistakes in my relationships.
So I’ve learned to be patient with myself and to let go of expectations. I can only control what I choose to do. Not my addict.
If I’m happier these days it’s largely because I’m taking it easy on myself. I know that I’m doing the best I can, and that’s good enough.
“Let Go And Let God”
Not of everything! I still have to do the wash and take a shower. I still have to move through my life with a minimum of conflict and get things done.
The bumps occur when I try to control what I have no power over. And that’s a whole encyclopedia of opinions that there’s no room for here.
Regarding the addiction of my daughter, Angie, I did spend years trying, but ultimately I gave up the fight to save her from the disease that was destroying her life. I gave up because the effort was slowly killing me as well and all the other relationships in my life. How many lives had to be sacrificed before the altar of addiction?
So I made a choice: I chose life. God Bless all of us who face the same choice and must let go of that which we cannot change. I hope we will find the God-given wisdom to see the difference between white-knuckling it through life—and leaning into it. Surrender. Acceptance. Peace.
Staying Humble
“Know-It-Alls,” Beware: We Don’t! 🙂
Or, more gently put by Roman philosopher, Seneca: “As long as you live, keep learning how to live.”
As long as I stay right-sized and humble, my relationships will flow more smoothly. Aware of my place next to God’s in the scheme of things, I will remain teachable.
And I will keep learning.
Mirrors
From Each Day A New Beginning, February 11:
“’It’s odd that you can get so anesthetized by your own pain or your own problem that you don’t quite fully share the hell of someone close to you.’ ~Lady Bird Johnson
Preoccupation with self can be the bane of our existence. It prevents all but the narrowest perspective on any problem. It cuts off any guidance…that may be offered through a friend…When we open our minds to fresh input from others, insights emerge. We need the messages others are trying to give us.”
An end to my isolation. Opening my mind and heart to what others offer me.
For many years, I closed myself off from these offerings. I was busy with my life, self-sufficient…but unhappy. I was pretty bewildered about that—yet resigned to it.
Then—for the worst possible reason—I joined a recovery program that provided tools to help me climb out of my self-imposed misery. There are many new attitudes that I have adopted over time. But the most critical, I think, has been taking the risk to open myself to others and learn about myself using others’ perspectives to add balance to my own.
I’m not afraid of mirrors anymore.
I’ve had to let go of years of denial and preconceived notions about myself. I’ve had to learn how to be honest. And in doing that, I have discovered my own humanity. I am not unique but part of a fellowship of equals who share a common bond.
No longer alone or lonely, I’m learning how to accept life on life’s terms…and be happy.
Spring Is A New Beginning
From Hope for Today, April 20:
“For me letting go is like a tree shedding its leaves in autumn. It must let go of them to produce even more beauty in the following spring and summer. Letting go of what I do not truly need—whether it be old thoughts, things, or behaviors—makes room for new growth in my life.
Turn that problem over…Then begin to do something about your own life.”
This is a great way to usher in the spring. Those of us who have suffered through the disease of addiction understand what a living death it can be. But seeing new growth on the trees and in my garden gives me hope for healing and regrowth in my life.
Miracles happen every day. I just need to take my hands out of my pockets.
The Gift Of Faith
“It wasn’t until I was tested as her mother that I found my ability to harness any faith at all. My sadness as a child paled before my growing despair as an adult child. The journey I’m on now has given me fresh new insights as I’ve confronted myself and understood where I have come from. My journey has in turn helped me understand where I have taken my own family. What was given to me has been passed down to my children. Yet I understand now that I could not have turned out differently, nor could I have been a different parent. My behavior as an adult was scripted from my childhood. What I need now is faith in something outside of myself to help me carry the burden—and gratitude that I’m finally able to ask for help. My faith has everything to do with turning over my self-will and accepting the will of another. I have found peace and serenity in acceptance of life as it is happening every day. Letting go and handing over the reins has given me the freedom to live my own life now without feeling shackled to the past or frightened of the future.”
Excerpt from my award-winning memoir, A Mother’s Story: Angie Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, by Maggie C. Romero