“True recovery takes place when I step out on faith and
carry out…new behavior. Then I know a small portion of me has grown. When I
take action based on introspection and meditation, I push my recovery
boundaries further. I know if I keep on this path I will always keep
growing…Outward action must follow inner work to truly take root in my life.”
Insight into ourselves is valuable, but unless we do the
footwork to change what may be necessary, our insight isn’t enough. Just for
today I will try to grow toward the light.
“’Life is patchwork—here and there, pleasure and despair,
Joined together, hit or miss.’ ~Anne Bronaugh
As you look ahead to this day, you can count on unexpected
experiences. You can count on moments of laughter. And you can count on twinges
of fear. Life is seldom what we expect, but we can trust that we will survive
the rough times. They will, in fact, soften our edges. Pleasure and pain share
equally in the context of our lives.
We so easily forget that our growth comes from the
challenges we label “problems.” We do
have the tools at hand to reap the benefits inherent in the problems that may
face us today. Let us move gently forward, take the program with us, and watch
the barriers disappear.”
If we remain steeped in sorrow, are we receptive to joy? If
all goes well for us, are we prepared for the valleys? There will always be a
mix of both in our lives. The trick is to find a balance and not be overwhelmed
by either emotion. To be able to say, “Okay today was not a good day, but I’m
confident tomorrow will be a good day.”
“’An element of recovery is learning that we deserve
success, the good things that come to us, and also that pain is a reality. We
have the strength to deal with that reality, and it will pass.’ ~Dudley
Martineau
Many of us didn’t understand the changing variables in being
human. Our coping skills were at a minimum until we discovered what alcohol or
pills, even food, could do for us. And then, a drink or two—or six, maybe—got
us through many a lonely evening.
The desire for an easy solution might still haunt us, but
time, new experiences, and program friends have taught us that our past habits
weren’t really easy solutions. In reality they increased our problems and led us
nowhere.”
Some of us who love addicts have found comfort in substances
ourselves. But when I make an effort to walk the spiritual path I have chosen,
I no longer seek those easy solutions. As they say in the rooms, “My best
thinking got me here.” I need to remember that and cease thinking that I have
the best answers. Putting my faith in something greater than myself, I can let
go of my human frailties. And all will be well.
“The
circumstances of our lives seldom live up to our expectations or desires.
However, in each circumstance we are offered an opportunity for growth or
change, a chance for greater understanding of life’s heights and pitfalls. Each
time we choose to lament what isn’t, we close the door on the invitation to a
better existence…
The
experiences we are offered will fail to satisfy our expectations because we
expect so much less than God has planned for us in the days ahead…
I will
breathe deeply and relax. At this moment my every need is being attended to. My
life is unfolding exactly as it should.”
I’ve
wrestled with my faith most of my life, always too self-reliant for my own
good. But as I’ve watched my daughter succumb to heroin addiction, it has been
a great comfort to me to learn how to harness a newfound belief in the power of
something outside of myself, something I can turn to in my despair and know
that something beautiful will come out of it. And it has: my whole life, and
how I choose to live it now, is a miracle.
“Worry
never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, but only saps todays of its strength.” ~A.J.
Cronin
Wow, it
takes tremendous discipline to stay grounded in the present. To live “just for
today.” On any given day, how do my thoughts wander back to past times, and the
inevitable regrets that crop up from time to time? And if I’m not looking
backwards, I’m projecting into a future that hasn’t even happened yet. This is
natural for some of us who have an addicted loved one. It’s called
“anticipatory grief,” and it’s meant to prepare us for the worst.
And though
it may be a way to soften future blows, the act of being there in a sad future
keeps me from smelling the roses under my nose.
Today the sun came up over the mountain and last night there was a beautiful
crescent moon. My friend has pneumonia and I’m going to take her flowers in the
hospital. I’m reminded to be grateful for my good health. My friends and family
in our recovery program are a great comfort to me as I move forward in my life.
When I
remember to stay focused on the present day and all the blessings that fill my
days, I can step out with confidence and faith in my Higher Power, assured that
all is well.
“I also
used humor as a manipulative tool to get people to like me. …My sense of humor
wasn’t spontaneous or appropriate. I used it to please people. When no one was
around to please, however, I was miserable…
Today my
sense of humor is a natural reflection of who I am. I experience the world
through smiles and laughter rather than through bitter smirks. I share joy with
others rather than seek company for my misery. I help others heal rather than
attack them. I allow my sense of humor to unfold naturally, just the way it was
meant, and I watch the wonderful results as my Higher Power works through me
toward a higher good.”
“’When it’s dark enough, you can see the
stars.’ ~Charles A. Beard
Though I once viewed my life with tragedy, I
now have a different perspective on those experiences. I know that I am a
stronger person as a result of what I’ve been through.
Those of us who love addicts have been sorely
tested. But it’s what I’ve come away with that makes my life in recovery
worthwhile: kindness, compassion, and understanding.
From Sharing Experience,
Strength and Hope, p. 329:
“Myself, I can change. Others I can only love.”
Once upon a time I thought, because I loved my daughter, it was my responsibility to change her for her own good. How could I not? Her choices were killing her. Then I learned that she had a brain disease and the cure was out of my reach.
Out of my reach.
So I learned to let go and detach, but always with love.
Serenity is the gift I give myself when I let go and let God.
“’You don’t get
to choose how you’re going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you’re
going to live. Now.’ ~Joan Baez
How thrilling to contemplate that we can choose every attitude we have and every action we take. We have been gifted with full responsibility for our development.”
Those of us who
come to these sites are united by the sad reality of addiction, either in
themselves or a loved one. Sometimes both. And I find myself coming back in
order to learn how to live with that reality.
But I long ago
stopped playing the blame game. What good does it do? Surrendering
responsibility for my fate to others? That attitude strips me of the power to
determine my own fate.
I would rather
retain that power, wherever it takes me. And claim responsibility for my
choices.
“When I read a step
and think about it deeply, I find it opens the door to new insights. When I
read that same step again, it reveals new spiritual ideas. They seem to dig
into our consciousness and unearth for us the wonderful potential for good in
all our relationships with life.” ~One
Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.141
I’ve heard it said
that Al-Anon offers answers to heal many troubled relationships. Those of us in
the recovery program share many of the same qualities: being affected by
another person’s addiction. So how have I been affected?
By having a strong
desire to control those around me. Growing up in emotional chaos, I needed to
maintain the illusion of control to survive. But carrying that desire with me
into adulthood too often became a defect. Examining my motives in some
situations has helped me let go of the powerful need I had to be in charge. I’ve
learned to let go of things that are not mine to hold onto.
Just loosen them in my
hands as though they were the reins on my horse. And keep moving forward.
