Our Growth Through Recovery

 From Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, p. 170:

“Reflecting on our progress:

‘Looking back, I can still experience the pain I once felt. But it’s the looking back that tells me how I have grown.’

…We recall where we were at the onset of our grief and acknowledge where we are today. Step Twelve is not only about our own changes. One member came to realize that Step Twelve is about more than creating a better life for himself; it is also about encouraging and helping others. When we share our struggles and the changes we’ve made, we inspire others and offer hope that healing from our grief is possible.

‘Thanks to Al-Anon, I have done more than just survive. I have emerged as a stronger, more loving, and more compassionate human being.’”

 

I liken the onset of my grief to being in a dark tunnel. Absolutely immersed in darkness and stumbling around, for lack of light. I stumbled around for a long time, crippled by my own demons and an inflated sense of responsibility.

Thank God for my recovery program which I finally had the good sense to follow. Years later, humbled by my inability to save my daughter, after countless meetings, readings and sharing, I decided that I was worth saving.

Unless we live in a bubble, there are surely other people in our lives whom we love and who love us. I miss Angie terribly, and I pray for her every day. But it’s the other people in my life who are benefitting the most from my ongoing recovery.

I’m grateful that I stayed in my program long enough for the miracles to begin. I made it through the tunnel and found the light. My life is good right now. I can laugh till my belly aches. I’m grateful for what’s right in front of me.

I’ve stopped chasing the butterfly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“The Wolf You Feed”

Memoir Excerpt:

“I am sometimes at odds with my recovery groups about the nature of addiction: is it a disease or a choice? I don’t want to force my views on them. There’s a wonderful Cherokee tale told by a grandfather to his grandchildren:

‘There’s a battle inside all of us between two wolves. One wolf is jealousy, greed, dishonesty, hatred, anger and bitterness. The other wolf is love, generosity, truthfulness, selflessness, and gratitude.’

‘Who wins the battle, grandfather?’

‘The wolf you feed.’

Insist that our loved ones are choosing to be addicts, that they want to stick a needle in their arm and live in a gutter, and we feel justified in our anger and our bitterness. Keep feeding those feelings, and they will consume you. I choose to believe that my daughter is wired differently and is prone to addictive disease. That’s no surprise, since four generations in my family have all had addictive disease in varying degrees. For whatever reason we still are unsure of, whatever life stresses beckoned her into that dark place, she became a victim of addiction.

Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, has said: “I’ve studied alcohol, cocaine, methamphetamine, heroin, marijuana and more recently obesity. There’s a pattern in compulsion. I’ve never come across a single person that was addicted that wanted to be addicted. Something has happened in their brains that has led to that process.’”

Addiction Is A Disease

From Sharing Experience, Strength and Hope, September 5:

“I have learned that addiction is a disease. It may never go away, but with the help of my Higher Power, I can learn to accept it and then try to live with it. I once heard that addicts need special help when they were ready for recovery. Immediately, I agreed because this is what I wanted to hear, so I enabled, paid her debts, and manipulated her through her crises, thinking that this would keep her clean. What I did not realize is that I was doing this with expectations. When it did not work, I became angry.

Going to Nar-Anon meetings, I learned about the effects of manipulating and enabling. Thanks to the program, I am able to make decisions and set boundaries in my own way, and in my own time. I believe that by dealing with the suffering and challenges in my life, with dignity and courage, ultimately good will come from it, even though it may not always be apparent to me.”

The Wolf You Feed

Memoir Excerpt:

“I am sometimes at odds with my recovery groups about the nature of addiction: is it a disease or a choice? I don’t want to force my views on them. There’s a wonderful Cherokee tale told by a grandfather to his grandchildren:

‘There’s a battle inside all of us between two wolves. One wolf is jealousy, greed, dishonesty, hatred, anger and bitterness. The other wolf is love, generosity, truthfulness, selflessness, and gratitude.’

‘Who wins the battle, grandfather?’

‘The wolf you feed.’

Insist that our loved ones are choosing to be addicts, that they want to stick a needle in their arm and live in a gutter, and we feel justified in our anger and our bitterness. Keep feeding those feelings, and they will consume you. I choose to believe that my daughter is wired differently and is prone to addictive disease. That’s no surprise, since four generations in my family have all had addictive disease in varying degrees.  For whatever reason we still are unsure of, whatever life stresses beckoned her into that dark place, she became a victim of addiction.”

Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, has said: “I’ve studied alcohol, cocaine, methamphetamine, heroin, marijuana and more recently obesity. There’s a pattern in compulsion. I’ve never come across a single person that was addicted that wanted to be addicted. Something has happened in their brains that has led to that process” (qtd. in Sheff).