Recovery

I Believe

Marilea C. RabasaLeave a comment

From Each Day A New Beginning, May 1:

“We may see clearly how and why we get in our own way. But unless we have faith in a power greater than ourselves, we won’t step aside. We won’t let go. We’ll do the same things and “understand” ourselves in the same ways. We may even use our “insight” to keep ourselves stuck—to  protect ourselves from the risk of change.

Now, having had a spiritual awakening, having come to believe that a higher power can restore us, we possess a gift more powerful than the keenest insight—faith in our ability to grow and change. We are children of God. All the creative power of the universe streams through us, if we don’t block it.”

The unseeable. The unknowable. Faith.

Before recovery, if I didn’t see it, it wasn’t there. Now, like Indiana Jones, I’ve learned to take that leap of faith that frightened me most of my life. And I’ve been rewarded.

God has become the pilot of my ship. I can sit back and enjoy the ride. I don’t have to be in charge anymore.

And I know that all will be well.

Look To This Day

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From Each Day A New Beginning, February 21:

“’We can never go back again, that much is certain.’ ~Daphne DuMaurier

Yesterday is gone, but its experiences will be reflected in those of today. We learned from both the good and the bad situations of yesterday. Where we travel today, likewise, will influence our direction tomorrow. We can’t do over what has gone before, but we can positively incorporate all that life is offering us from this moment forth…We move forward, only forward. The doors behind us are closed forever.

Facing what comes to us, with strength, is a gift from the program we share…And trust that what we face along with what we let go will weave the pattern of our rightful unfolding.”

 

For a long time my feet were stuck…in the past. A time when things occurred that I can’t do anything about now. A dark place that held me hostage: regrets, guilt, sadness. I lacked the will, the wisdom, and the means to get out.

My work in recovery has given me a lot of freedom from all the negativity that had weighed me down. I feel lighter now and able to move forward with my life. I’ve learned to let go of things I have no control over—like the passage of time, lol!

So I’m paying attention to what’s right in front of me.

Things are unfolding as they are meant to.

How Fear Inhibits Us

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From Courage To Change, May 29:

“Worry and fear can alter our perceptions until we lose all sense of reality, twisting neutral situations into nightmares. Because most worry focuses on the future, if we can learn to stay in the present, living one day or one moment at a time, we take positive steps toward warding off the effects of fear…When we anticipate doom, we lose touch with what is happening now and see the world as a threatening place against which we must be on constant alert…Most of our fears will never come to pass, and if they do, foreknowledge probably won’t make us any better prepared.

Today I will recognize that worries can be potent and mind-altering. I choose not to indulge in them at all.”

“T.H.I.N.K.”

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Thoughtful. Honest. Intelligent. Necessary. Kind.

From One Day at a Time, p. 20:

“If only I can learn to quiet my mind before I speak! I do not want to act with impatience and hostility, for I know it will react on me. It is a mistake to think this requires self-control; patience can be acquired by learning to let go of self-will. Jonathan Swift said: “Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul. Men must not turn into bees who kill themselves in stinging others.”

 

“Keep It Simple”

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One of my favorite sayings. Simplify. Makes my life much easier to manage when I clear out the unnecessary stuff.

I try to focus on essentials. Everyone has a different set of them, but mine are important to me. What is necessary for my well-being every day? Food, exercise, rest, some human contact, some kind of work—in an office, in the garden, on my computer, shopping, cleaning.

If I start to feel overwhelmed, then I’m doing too much.

Back to basics. Simplify.

And the world will keep turning.

“But For The Grace Of God…”

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My sister lost her husband a few months ago and she’s just starting to come out of the fog. I called her for her birthday last week but she couldn’t talk. She was sobbing. So she decided to spend her birthday visiting a friend of our mother’s, a 96-year-old woman who is bedridden with round the clock care. And my sister experienced how things could be so much worse for her.

It’s all a matter of perspective, how we see things, how our attitudes govern the way we live our lives.

Gratitude in hard times takes the wisdom of knowing that my life could be worse in an infinite amount of ways.

Living Now

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“One Day At A Time”

 I never knew how to honor that slogan about living moment to moment and staying in the present. I was always wedded to either the past, usually full of regrets, or the future, full of anxiety and fear. I’m not sure why so many of us do that. It’s been a challenge for me to learn to live right now and pay attention to what’s right in front of me.

Doing so has helped me get more out of my life. It’s a waste of my time to stay stuck in the past to things I can’t do anything about now. If I made mistakes then, yes, I can try to right the wrongs. And the best way to do that is by “living amends.” Changing my attitudes and behavior and doing things differently now.

As to the future and worrying about a time that hasn’t arrived yet, that’s wasteful too. And worrying about the future takes my attention away from the present. I want to appreciate the smell of the honeysuckle as it’s blooming right now, not feel sad that it will be past its prime in a month.

My recovery program has given me many tools, including this slogan, to learn how to live my life well.

Beach Combing

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I have a huge collection of shells that I’ve amassed over fifty years. But I’ve pretty much stopped collecting because I have no more room to put them! It’s time to enjoy what I have. And to wonder what they’ve represented to me all these years.

Ego. Such a fundamental part of the human condition, and yet the very thing that makes us human and separates us from God. It’s ego that keeps us struggling in our relationships, ego that keeps us from accepting things as they are and feeling content with what we have. Ego and our willfulness beneath it that traps us in our restless search to outdo ourselves and others.

And it’s ego that makes us want to leave an imprint in the sand.

All human beings wrestle with ego, but addicts have found a solution that elevates them from their soul sickness: losing themselves in substances and behaviors that provide oblivion for a time.  “We want what we want when we want it.” That tired old phrase smacking of egocentricity and childishness.

Addicts in their disease are all about themselves. In Alcoholics Anonymous, one definition of an alcoholic is an egomaniac with an inferiority complex..

To be “relieved of the bondage of self,” as the Third Step Prayer states in the Big Book, I’m learning how to nurture a relationship with God and remember my place in relation to Him. My importance is next to nothing in the scheme of things. This keeps me right-sized and humble. I’m just another grain of sand on the beach.

Learning to live beyond ego has been one of my biggest challenges. And, like all my work in the school of recovery, there is no graduation.

I line up all my conches and other shells, like students in a classroom, mindful of what they are teaching me.