marilea.rabasa@gmail.com

Baby Steps Lead To Bigger Ones

“First Step Prayer:

Dear Lord,

I admit that I am powerless over my addict.

I admit that my life is unmanageable

When I try to control him/her.

Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness.

Remove from me all denial of my loved one’s addiction.”

The first step is probably the most important one in assuring our recovery from the effects of another’s addiction.  And it’s because I refused to take it that it took me so long to start to recover. I simply wouldn’t accept my powerlessness over my daughter’s disease. I felt as though I would be dropping the ball,  appearing as though I didn’t care about her. I felt that I had to do everything in my power to save her, not realizing that I had no such power.

So, deep pockets helped me to put Angie through four rehabs. They also had me paying her rent, paying off her loans, and paying back the creditors. All my “help” simply gave her more money for drugs. In short, deep pockets can be dangerous if they allow us to enable our children. She might have learned something from the consequences of her actions if I hadn’t kept getting in the way.

So yes, my life had become unmanageable. I love Angie very much. And I kept making things easy for her. But we can enable our children to death. Now I’ve let go of all my attempts to control her and her disease.

And I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.

2 Comments

  1. This is a burden and a dilemma; very well stated. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Many people view the acceptance of powerlessness as a weakness. But it’s really a strength, if only because it frees up our energies to focus on other things that are within our grasp. In the case of my daughter, saving her from her addiction is not within my grasp, though I understand why many mothers desperately feel that it must be. I was there too! When I got tired of beating my head against a brick wall, I surrendered to my powerlessness and let go of my obsession with her. There are many other blessings in my life who deserve my attention. And there is enormous peace in accepting what we can’t control.

      Reply

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