universe is run exactly on the lines of a cafeteria. Unless you
claim—mentally—what you want, you may sit and wait forever.” ~Emmet Fox
always kept me from asking for what I want. But the older I get, the less I
care about rejection. Living fully means facing that on a regular basis. And I
always learn something. Maybe I learn that my request was ill-timed or
inappropriate. Other times I might learn that I asked for just the right thing,
but it was denied. I can spend hours ruminating on why it was denied, driving
myself batty. Or I can accept that things worked out differently, and let it
go. My energy is better spent on other things I have control over now.
important. Because wasting my energy on things I can’t do anything about saps
my strength—strength I need to stay in recovery.
relate to my inner self influences my relationships with all others. My
satisfaction with myself and my satisfaction with other people are directly
proportional. ~Sue Atchley Ebaugh
I grew up
with two hypercritical parents. The negativity, of course, affected me
profoundly, and I was saddled with low self-worth and self-esteem issues. And
though I recognize that I’m an adult child of an alcoholic, I no longer have to
view my life through the eyes of a child.
recovery program has opened my eyes and presented me with new perspectives. My
father had problems of his own, and my mother, an untreated Al-Anon, suffered
as she tried to cope with him. The children in such a dysfunctional family are
bound to be affected in adverse ways. That’s why they call it “a family
to re-parent myself with compassion and understanding is a task for many of us
adult children. And as I continue to view my life through a different lens, my
inner self blossoms. In turn my self-acceptance reflects itself in those around
me as I cease to criticize.
reward of self-love, I think, is that it’s a magnet for others. No more
loneliness and isolation. As I learn to treat myself with love and respect,
those positive feelings are mirrored in all of my relationships. Life is good!
“One receives only that which one is given. The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds, and words, return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.” ~Florence Skovel Shin
me pause to remember that. On a bad day, when I’m mean or resentful, I can
count on those feelings hitting me on the back of my head. And that makes me
think twice about it. But, being only human, I don’t; I just react. Now I’m
learning to slow down and think before I act because I know there will be
consequences. The wonderful thing about my recovery program is that I’ve
learned how to make amends on a regular basis. When I give in to my worst
impulses and turn mean toward my partner, for example, the awareness God has
given me lets me stop in my tracks, turn around and tell him I’m sorry. It’s
such a simple act of kindness, but before recovery I didn’t have the awareness
it takes to recognize when I mess up. Now I try harder in all of my
it said that ours is a disease of relationships, and that truth is so clear to
me as I see mine improve, one by one, when I apply the tools of the program to
my life. Al-Anon’s Tenth Step, “Continued to take personal inventory and when
we were wrong promptly admitted it,” has been a lifesaver for me. I’ve been
humbled and joyful to be part of a community of equals. We’re all in the same
boat, struggling to survive on the same stormy sea. And often I need help when
it’s my turn to steer the ship. When I humbly accept that help, and when I open
my mind and accept that being wrong—and rectifying it—might teach me a valuable
lesson, my boat moves ahead on smooth waters.
“In recovery, we learn to profoundly adjust our expectations, hard as it is. We raised one child, and now we have another. We are all too aware of the change that drugs have produced in our children. A parent wrote in Sharing Experience, Strength andHope a very revealing statement, something I could have written myself. It is a key to understanding my story, my mother and father’s stories, and my daughter’s painful struggle:
‘I expected my children to be perfect, to always do the right thing. I tried to control them by giving them direction and making them do things in a way that I felt was correct! When they didn’t, I could not handle it. I could not accept their drug use and I felt that their behavior was a reflection on me. I was embarrassed for myself and scared to death for them. I became so distrusting of my children that I showed them no respect. I would meddle and invade their privacy looking for any excuse to challenge and confront them. When I came to Nar-Anon, I learned that my interference and my attempts at controlling them were actually standing in the way of their recovery. I learned to let go of the control I never had in the first place.'”
can find my book, A Mother’s Story: Angie
Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, by Maggie C. Romero (pseudonym) on Amazon.