marilea.rabasa@gmail.com

All I Want For Christmas…

‘Tis the season…yes, it’s the time of giving and thinking of others. I think of Angie often and even more so during the holiday season when she is so missed in our family. But I have learned over the years that the best gift I can give my daughter is the gift of detachment with love. One of the hardest ways we can love our children struggling with addiction is to let go and encourage them to choose recovery. This is something we cannot do for them. We can pay their rent, buy them a car—in short, we can make their lives comfortable. But is it always wise to support them financially? I know that every case is different, especially when grandchildren are part of the picture—and my heart goes out to you grandmothers—but in my case, my generosity just gave Angie more money for drugs. So I’ve learned the hard way to let Angie face the consequences of her choices and take responsibility for herself. It’s the hardest thing…to remove the safety net we want to put under our children. It’s the hardest thing… to watch them flounder in the grips of this cruel disease. So all I want for Christmas is the serenity to remember that I don’t have the power to save Angie. All I can do is love her. She was raised in a loving family for twenty-one years before she turned to drugs. Wherever she is and whatever she’s doing, I know she knows...

Accepting Change

“The Serenity Prayer teaches us to accept the things we cannot change. This disease has strongly affected us because our relationships and the quality of our lives have changed. We may feel confused, disappointed, resentful, or frustrated as a result of our present changing circumstances. If we accept we have these feelings and deal with them, we may find that we are strengthened in faith and self-care. We learn to accept love, support, nurturing, and comfort from others and our Higher Power. We ask a Higher Power to change the things we can and the wisdom and clarity to make the right choices.” “Agape” is one of the Greek words for love. The English word agape comes from that. We see the image of an open mouth.  That to me is what love and acceptance can be: a readiness to receive what is given—without resistance. That’s the key; acceptance without...

Doing Nothing…For The Moment

From Hope For Today, October 15:  “I need to spend a lot of time doing nothing. I watched the world pass by as I berated myself for not accomplishing anything. When I did take action, it was often a reaction. I reacted impulsively and compulsively to the words and behaviors of everyone around me. Itb seemed as though I was always ricocheting off two walls, one marked ‘inactive’ and the other marked ‘reactive.’ I need to remember to cultivate a balance between action and inaction. Impulsiveness can be as much a trap as immobility…It helps me to remember that a period of inner waiting and preparation, what I used to call doing nothing, takes place before I can realize which action to take. When my Higher Power and I are ready, everything falls into place in a way that never could have happened had I acted alone.”   In the program there is a saying: “Sit there; don’t do anything.” In other words, all my frantic fixing, doing, and attempts to protect are often counterproductive and achieve just the opposite, especially if I haven’t thought things through first. And experience has shown me to use prayer and meditation as I go through this process. All too often fear will lead me to make unwise decisions. When I slow down and ask for help, doing nothing for the moment, I feel more confident in the choices I...